Fearlessly calling my future
It is a Thursday morning. I sit down at the computer to start my day of graphic design work. Launching email I see something from one of my largest clients.
It is an unusually long email, but the readers digest version is that he has decided he can no longer keep the project going. It has been a big investment and changes in his business have forced him to the difficult decision to terminate the project in 2 weeks.
My first response came from my trusty left brain, the tadpole in my head running for cover, seeking security. "You better hustle and get new graphic design clients to make up that shortfall in income!" it cried.
My body instantly reacted. A very familiar feeling of dread, anxiety, and resistance. If Martha Beck were here she would tell me this was a definite SPOON LOSS response.
I am pleased to say that within less than 30 seconds my right brain infused sense into the situation, put the tadpole in the back seat and took over at the wheel.
You see, this client and I had been a bad match from the start. Think of it as an arranged marriage. And it was entirely arranged by my tadpole. At the initial meeting last fall every cell of my body was screaming NO. I mean that in all seriousness. But I had lived so so long ignoring those feelings, forging ahead with my tadpole plans no matter what, it was easy to brush this aside. The money was good and it had the makings of steady, ongoing income.
The further I got into my Soul Path process the more and more discordant this situation was. I knew it had to end, but that tadpole was screaming "NO!!!!! We need that job to SURVIVE!!!!"
Finally, 6 weeks ago I had had it. It was just too uncomfortable and too out of alignment with my path. I was going to "give notice." I promised myself I was going to free myself from that spoon-sucking situation.
But I didn't.
I reasoned that it was a good way to cover expenses while launching The Soul Path.
That makes sense, right?
It is logical, safe.
But when you launch on a Soul Path journey there really is no turning back. I had already made that promise. Not only that, but I had dreamed, planned, prayed, visualized, and painted my future, my new reality, over and over. It was, and is, my mantra.
So, 30 seconds after the tadpole told me to hustle to find other graphic design gigs, a much more profound voice said "What this means, my dear, is that you must hustle to launch your new business."
Yup, that is exactly what it meant. Exactly what it means.
I have read over and over people on their own soul journeys telling us to ask ourselves what we are willing to give up to achieve our dreams.
I realized that what I have to be willing to give up is "security." Because I do not grow when I am constantly looking for the reliable safe way forward. It is really true. I think of how I play Parcheesi as an example. I move from safety to safety as long as I can. I think I will play it slow, safe and steady. And I always lose. Never fails. I get a role that puts me in a bad situation, my husband or my son lands on my spot and I am knocked back to home.
Well, I have decided no more playing it safe.
I am excited, I am terrified, I am in awe of the power of the soul when we listen and trust and let it take the lead.I just completed my list of classes for August. My first official Soul Path offerings.
There is no looking back now.
Hang on everyone, it is gonna be one hell of a ride.