From Our Mothers
HEALING THE WOUNDS OF OUR FEMALE LINEAGE
I want to know how heal my self-worth.
It is a deep issue that I have primarily looked at in terms of the money and finances.
But last week I had the wonderful opportunity to visit with an energy medium and the insights she conveyed shed light on the deep roots of this issue.
Before I go on, let me say that generally I do not see mediums. I did have an amazing experience with a trance medium when I was 17, and it spoiled me. I find that others, anything less than Abraham Hicks, just are not clear enough. We all have our baggage, our barriers, our limiting beliefs...and with many mediums that baggage is not entirely out of the way. Not like the trance medium I saw when I was 17. But that is another wonderful story for another time.
What I will say is that a decent medium, even if not as clear as a crystal, will offer bits and pieces from Spirit which will resonate. I also find that because I am still not a clear channel my ego can get in the way of understanding. Sitting with this medium last weekend bypassed the ego objections and filters that can cloud my ability to hear messages on my own. So, what might have taken 6 months, came through in 15 minutes. I am grateful.
What I learned is that money is just the tip of the iceberg. That my issues with money are just an extention of feelings of low self-worth. It runs through every area of my life, from money (the most obvious) to relationships, career, clothing, cars, you name it. I have had a belief that I did not deserve better. There is a lot to say on this subject, but I wanted to share with you an exercise that I did to gain more insight around healing this issue, one that you might try as well. It is like a soul scribble, but using acrylic paint on watercolor paper.
Seeing what my ego does not want to know
Here’s what I did. I grabbed my stack of dream card bases (these are 5 x 7 watercolor cards onto which i have painted an abstract base of colors.) Here are a few examples. I make these up in batches...5-10 at a time. A lot of times I use the paint left on my palette at the end of a painting session, the stuff that would normally dry and and be wasted. That provides some interesting combinations.
So, I have this deck of cards. I asked aloud (you have GOT to speak out loud folks...it is vital) to know more about healing this self-worth issue and I shuffled them. And before I could pick a card, one jumped out of the deck.
I picked it up and felt discouraged. It was a card I had painted a heart shape on. I had been thinking of removing it from the stack because it is so representational I doubted I would see anything beyond the heart shape. But I looked anyway.
Surprisingly I did see something...a face with a large nose and elven ears, this creature appeared magical. As I painted her some things came to mind.... my sister who has struggled with self-worth, my mother who has low self-worth, my aunt...my mother’s mother...and back and back, through the generations. I realized that the torch of this pain and hurt has been passed down from mother to daughter, and none of us have figured it out. We all find ourselves struggling with it, and it manifests for each of us in different ways. Have any of us looked at it squarely? Have any of us broken the chains? Not yet.
My mother’s mother was communicating to me through the medium last weekend, and she spoke to me of self-worth. She is trying to help heal this energy that she herself, when she was here, could not break free of.
I am on it Gramma.
I welcome your help.
I accept the assistance of all the women in my line.
We will all benefit from this healing journey I am on. I do this work for every one of you who felt trapped, of no value, unable to use your voice, to follow your passion, to create, sing, dance, express, be bold, be loud, be loved, be passionate, be of nature and the earth. Be angry, be outraged, pull your hair, express your truths. For all of you who hid your true feelings, who wore clothes that were uncomfortable, who tried to change who you were to please your parents, your boyfriends, your spouses, your friends, your church.
Come mothers and sisters, come aunts and grandmothers! Let us lift this veil of self-hatred and all be free at last.
I am ready.