In August of 2016 I recognized that fear was running my life. My intuition was a distant whisper. Intellect, reason, and judgment had been in the driver’s seat for years.
The spark that ignited this introspection was the departure of my 16-year-old son for college. He had decided to go to early college and this shook my world. Feeling an acute need to discover what as next in my life, and what my purpose was, I realized that I could not figure it out through reason and logic. That would just bring me right back where I started once the newness of whatever change I chose had worn off. I felt I needed to learn to listen to the voice within, the intuition that I had ignored for many, many years. So, I made a pledge not to make any major decisions until I was unified, and I set about listening, watching, and waiting for my soul to speak.
And then the work began. And it was work! When you have ignored your intuition for 40+ years, it is hard to hear it and even harder to trust it. I started meditation too, which was not easy for me. I rarely got beyond the wall of thought and found it very discouraging. I looked very truthfully at my life and asked myself how I felt about it, and how I wanted it to be different. This involved a fair amount of tears. It is hard letting go of what you have, even when it is not a good fit any more.
Then, in January 2017, I had a dream that called me to awaken my artistic self. It showed me art was a pathway to knowing and healing myself, and creating my future. So, that day I pulled out my neglected art supplies, and, to dust off my skills, I started sketching my cat. And immediately I discovered that the wall of thought was gone. Poof. Just like that, no mantra needed, no deep breathing. Just me and a pencil and paper. So I kept drawing every day!
At an art retreat with some friends in February, creativity rushed in, filling me with inspiration. I was up for hours creating.
As the winter turned to spring, I felt the energy of creativity pulsing through me. It wanted to create a new life, a new way of being, and the desire I felt was immense. It consumed me and at times was almost overwhelming. I was reading a ton of books (see my favorites). I knew bringing this dream into being would take a strength and resolve I had never tapped into before. The intensity of my desire was powerful and painful at once. It was exciting and terrifying. I had never felt so alive.
This desire was intoxicating. And in order to bring it to life, I decided to call in some powerful energy. An energy that would make me unstoppable and propel me through any blocks I encountered. And what better energy to help me with this than the elephant? And not just any elephant, I knew this had to be a BIG elephant. As big as my dream!
So “Unstoppable” (pictured here) was born, a near 7' tall quilted elephant. You can read all about how it came into being here. This was the first piece of art I made with intention. It was a meditation on all that I wanted to create in my life, and not letting anything stop me.
In July the universe gave me another nudge, taking my main graphic design client from me. I realized it was time to get my butt in gear and get out there! My first official appearance in public was at the Brunswick Outdoor Art Festival on August 19th, 2017.
And so an artist was reborn. Art has been my path back to me. I share my story because I know you are on this journey, too. And when one of us makes it, facing the fears, self-doubts, and limiting beliefs that have stopped us in the past, it can inspire and catalyze others. I hope this story is a contribution on your journey home.
The journey may seem scary. The path will be unfamiliar. But take heart...it is yours and it will lead you to you, where all your answers reside.