Jackson’s Gift
40 x 30 x 1.5 • Acrylic on canvas

Jackson is a bay quarter horse. When we met, i approached him with the expectation that i would be received warmly. Pinned ears and a warning posture made me step back in case he decided to set his boundary more aggressively.

For the first two weeks we were in each other’s company, i kept my distance. now and then, i offered some fruit see if i might be permitted inside the circle of his trust. we developed a bit more rapport when his feeding fell to me one week. At feeding time he might let me scratch his chin. But he often still had pinned ears, and i remained cautious.

Then something magnificent happened. After breakfast one morning, Jackson approached me from the other side of the fence. i offered my hand and he allowed me to scratch his chin. He stayed. He did not put his ears back. i scratched behind his ears, under his chin, along his jaw bone, and down his neck while he adjusted his posture for me to reach the areas he wanted me to.  That was when a key turned and unlocked Jackson’s gift. Awareness flooded in and tears fell. Jackson was showing me my own defensiveness, showing me how i keep intimacy away, and how i respond to those who care for me as though i must protect myself. The more the emotion moved out, the more Jackson leaned in, putting his head against my body. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” i repeated over and over as i kissed his face through my tears.